Thursday, April 1, 2010

Songs in my Head

Well, it's the end of the 'interesting' albeit short work week. Nothing like embarking upon a significantly new protocol on a week with double deadlines. If nothing else, we learned the most apparent strengths and weaknesses of the system under pressure.

I woke up this morning thinking about probably the best Holy Week I ever experienced - a few years ago, attending a week of 6 am services at St. Andrew's Church in New Plymouth, NZ. Walking through the almost (but not quite) empty streets of the downtown, from my flat to the church, at 5:30 am. It was a wonderful way to begin the day.

I think the memory came partly from my bedtime reading of the previous evening. I'm re-reading the story of a woman who lived a hectic and what she thought was productive life, who spent several weeks back in the early 1980s with an Old Order Amish family; in doing so, she learned to focus, centre and clearly define her life. The family started each day with family prayers at 5am.

It reminded me of the Hutterites I've known throughout my life. They, too, live a life centered in prayer.

So the day had an auspicious start, and I think contributed to the calm I felt throughout most of the day. No matter the chaos that occasionally surrounded me, I refused to get caught up in it. In the end, I accomplished just as much as most everyone else with a whole lot less stress.

My preparations for Easter this year are otherwise non-existent. I didn't make any pysanky although I did think hard on it a week ago. Without the kids, it just wasn't so easy to get into the spirit of it, though. Likewise no Easter goodies to buy and no visitors for Sunday dinner. All in all, a quiet weekend ahead.

Sometime in the early afternoon, I found myself humming a song I know well. The strange thing (when I realized I was doing it) was the song, an old BeeGees classic:

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.”

I think it must have been playing on the radio station that plays throughout the office, the background noise that one usually stops hearing, at least consciously. I have no recall of actually hearing the song, but it struck a deep chord within me. Strong waves of melancholy have washed over me at moments throughout this week. Deep longings and nostalgia. So often music expresses the inexpressible in my life. I wonder if it does for you as well?

Hmm. Don't mean to sound all glum. I'm feeling more akin to introspection. I'm actually at a pretty calm place in my head, and if not satisfied with how things are at the moment, at least OK with it. Life is what it is.

It's pretty hard not to feel hopeful about life in general when Spring is in the air and new growth is busting out all around.

Happy Easter.

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